Welcome to our blog section this where we will be talking real talk about parenthood the highs and lows and issues that really matter to you. This month we have our wonderful Kelly Tison aka blogger Panda Mama talking about something all of us mamas can relate to… the transition into motherhood!

Evolving is part of the process of ever-changing life. But no change is as big as becoming a mother! So far nothing compares. The change is like no other. It’s like coming home into the unknown.

I’m softer yet stronger. I’m more flexible yet firmer. I feel myself growing with my baby boy every day and learning the lessons of life with him. He is here to teach me, as I am here to guide him and in that together we evolve. Nothing really prepares you for the transition. I feel it’s something that you can’t really explain although I will try, it’s something within. It’s a shift that happens, a new way of looking at life, as a protector and also through the eyes of the innocent. The world becomes a different place. A suddenly scarier yet more magical place.

The day I discovered I was carrying my child, although unplanned there was a huge sensation of love that ran through me. First yes there was fear, what will I do? where will I live?, do I have enough money? what about my relationship? But my head was overruled by my heart and an intuitive feeling of belonging. I had faith that this was destined and a beautiful pure soul had chosen me to be their mother. I had a beautiful human life inside me and it felt like I’d come home. Like this was the most important thing, my soul purpose and I couldn’t help but beam a huge smile. I walked home skipping and singing to my stomach, as much as I was scared of so many things. My logical brain didn’t stand a chance. All I could feel was pure love.

Luckily pregnancy remained like this for me. I was so grateful I had been chosen to house this soul earthside. My body was exhausted, I felt sick all the time. I did get ‘ the glow ‘ where I felt like I had a boost of energy in the second trimester then was homebound with SPD for the later part, but none of this bothered me I was buzzing, so full of love and excitement. I completely surrendered to being the home of my baby. The oxytocin hormone was running high! I was so absorbed by pregnancy & birth. I thought of it as a spiritual practice, in fact, one of the most important, to give life. I spent hours preparing for birth and manifesting how wonderful this would be. I won’t go into my birth story, as well that’s a whole other blog!

Once my perfect son was born he was even more angelic than I had imagined and I was in awe. I stayed in a bubble just watching, nursing my baby. I knew I wanted to go slow and enjoy the first few months. I didn’t complete a babymoon of 40 days but I did in my own way. I had limited visitors and adventures out. In fact, leaving the house without jumping into a car just the two of us wasn’t until about 3 months I think. Everything was so new. The demand was great, being breastfed solely and suffering from colic/ silent reflux I held my boy a lot. He was born in the middle of a heat wave and it was ridiculously hot. We spent the first few months in our bedroom, sweating windows open and fan on, barely making it to the garden. Summer has always been my season. I love the sunshine, and getting out in it. I always prided myself of living a stress-free life as possible and commitments and responsibilities had always equalled that for me in my mind. I love to travel and had pretty much been able to just book flights and go and I lived for this gipsy spirited way of life. Now I was stuck in a bedroom in the heat, with a baby that only fed, cried then slept, carrying baby weight and watching love island was the closest I got to be on a lovely beach or travelling.

Luckily I’d prepared myself slightly for this, well I actually just told myself expect nothing as this was going to be unknown territory, which I’m so glad I did. I had great support and my placenta happy pills and my constant reminder in my head, this won’t be forever only a short phase in our lives. And a year on, I’m so glad I told myself this, as it is so true! I now have a baby that walks and says “ Mama Nooooo” ( that’s pretty much all he can say haha) and I think fondly to those days sweating it out in the bedroom feeding constantly and I’m so happy we snuggled, we bonded, we didn’t rush life or try to bounce back, physically, mentally or emotionally, instead we took it all in. We went at our pace, which is slow and appreciated the first few months and moments. Everyone is different, but this was about us. This transitioning has taught me and continues to teach me daily so much about patience, acceptance, listening to my intuition. That surrendering and giving up are two completely different things.

Sometimes I have to just flow with life rather than fight against it and surrender to the rhythms I feel me and my baby are so much better for it. I’m softer as more compassionate and forgiving, yet stronger as more resilient, to protect and set an example for my child. I am more flexible in my attitudes, judgement and timekeeping haha, yet firmer as I have learnt to say no more to people and things that don’t serve my family. I’ve learnt that no matter what you do, unfortunately, you will be judged. People really feel it’s their business on how you raise your children, and I’ve learnt to sit with that. The best way I deal with it is to think it’s coming from a place of love. After all, 95% of Mother’s are doing what they believe best for their child. I am a strong advocate of, ‘your way is the right way’. Motherhood has humbled me no end. And now my baby is over one year old, I see his frustration in things and feel my own and think how can I expect him to deal with his if I can’t deal with mine. I’m a role model and here to set an example, and that example is to show him how devastatingly wonderful life is and the magic that is all around.

We will explore life together laughing and playing and remembering the importance of always finding joy in things. And that things won’t always go our way, but we have to sit through the lows and rise again with the highs, and that’s ok! We have chosen each other on this incredible journey of mother and child and what an adventure we have ahead. Now it feels like everything until now was preparing me to be and on my soul purpose, a creator of life. A nurturer, a feminine warrior of the home raising and protecting her young. I still get moments of panic and being overwhelmed and the times when my son just screams and nothing seems to settle him for long, I think back to laying on the beach with no care in the world or dancing into the morning light, my carefree years then I hear my baby boy laugh and see that beaming smile heading straight for me and there is no way I’d go back ! We are constantly moving forward and each phase like the moon. I want to appreciate it. Nothing last forever. And you never know I could be that 70-year-old backpacker or raver, that really would not be so bad after all.❤️

 

Written by Kelly Freeman (Pandamamalove)